Monday, August 16, 2010

Step 1: Gathering the Ingredients for a Successful Tiny Muffin Recipe

I am starting this blog as a therapy for what might be a traumatic, but hopefully will be a joyful undertaking in my life.  My husband, Mr. Muffin, and I are embarking on the wonderful world of In Vitro Fertilization. 

For those who may not know, in vitro fertilization (or IVF) is a process by which Mr. Muffin and I will mingle his Swedish (by way of Kansas) genes with my English/Irish/French (by way of Texas) genes in a petri dish in the hopes of producing a Teeny-Tiny Muffin, which will then by implanted back into what my doctor calls a "fabulous looking uterus". 

We have been trying to conceive (or "TTC" in infertility lingo language) since we married two years ago, and so far it hasn't been happening.  I have issues, you see, with my girly parts.   It's not super bad, but it's bad enough to at least prevent me from joining the Fertile Myrtle Club.  I will spare you the gory details for now.

After meeting with our fertility doctor (Dr. Rod, who is AWESOME) for a year, and trying six different methods of conception, along with a myriad of medicines, we are now pulling out the big guns, and trying IVF.  Hence, this blog.

So, the ingredients for the Tiny Muffin include:

1 determined, but terrified and excited Mrs. Muffin
1 beautiful uterus
1 determined, but terrified and excited Mr. Muffin
30 million ecstatic sperm
15 vials of Menopur (injected in the stomach daily for 10 days)
1 vial of Lupron (injected in the thigh daily for 21 days)
3 Gonal-F pen thingy(s) (injected in the stomach daily for 10 days)
1 vial of Progesterone in oil (injected into my ass by Mr. Muffin with a 1.5" needle daily starting 8/28)
2000 mg of Metformin (4 pills daily for the rest of forever)
2 prenatal vitamins (daily)
1 baby asprin (daily)
1 petri dish
1 embryologist
1 fertility doctor
5 fertility nurses (all of whom have intimate knowledge of my hoo-ha)

So, I have gathered my ingredients together, and am proceeding with the recipe.  The approximate prep time for the Teeny-Tiny Muffin is 28 days, and if successful, the bake time will be 40 weeks.  The observant chef should note that this recipe prepared in this way has a tendancy to double itself, causing two Teeny-Tiny Muffins.  Please don't be alarmed.  Yet.

Stay tuned for further updates from the Muffin Kitchen.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, Carrie. I had no idea you were going through all this. I admire your tenacity, and your ability to use your gifts of humor and creativity as therapy. Best wishes to you as you embark on this journey!